Do you like Dates??
Hi…
Have you ever thought of your marriage?
Do you think that dating can help marital preparation…?
Well, shall we have look at the concept of dating in this article!!!
Dating is very common nowadays and is considered to be a part of marital preparation by many youngsters.
Dating is defined as a romantic relationship between a man and woman before marriage to assess the prospective partner’s suitability, aiming for a future intimate relationship.
Dating happens both physically and virtually. As technology has advanced in today’s scenario, dating is more digital than physical. There are several social media platforms like Facebook and WhatsApp that make dating easy. According to the new generation’s perspective, dating need not be for marriage, it can be viewed as a temporary love affair.
In this video, we are inviting youngsters to evaluate dating. An honest evaluation may help avoid depression and suicide attempts among youngsters due to failed cases of dating.
Dating in the Indian social setup
In India, dating was not common almost until the 1980s. But some of the movies in the 1990s influenced the then society to a different perspective of pre-marital preparation. Moreover, the effect of the western lifestyle introduced in certain movies also influenced the then society. Gradually there was a shift from traditional arranged marriages to love marriages. The role of parents was slowly undermined and youngsters started becoming independent in choosing their partners. Thus, in cities, dating gradually infiltrated and became a part of life. But in rural areas, due to the social stigma, youngsters prefer secret dating. Presently, many youngsters prefer to be happy in a virtual world than in the real world and social life.
The deception in dating
Dating can be complicated if the people involved are unwise. The question, “are all arranged marriages successful?” may be a justification for those who prefer dating. But we have more cases of failed dating stories than failed arranged-marriages. The greatest deception in dating is that infatuation is understood as love. This causes so many breakups that lead the tender-hearted boys and girls to develop stress and depression and gradually even to suicidal attempts.
Evaluation – Is dating good or bad?
Sociologically, the traditional approach of the society was not promoting dating to avoid moral laxity. But now, the situation has changed to a neutral approach. The traditional society today goes for compromises in order not to lose their younger ones, not because they believe in dating.
To evaluate dating based on a religious perspective, one needs to consider Bible as the foundation of Family and marriage life. Bible presents a beautiful blueprint for marriage and family life. We are not concluding whether dating is good or bad. We would like to say that if it is hurting, complicated, produce negative impacts, and breaks the norms of society, then it is better to say NO to dating.
No to Dating…? Why?
Dating might be a waste of time: – whenever you hear the name Adam, his partner will always be Eve and no one else. The same goes for Eve. (I am sure you know that Adam and Eve are the first husband and wife in History as per Biblical records). Both of them spent their emotions and their time together only with one partner for hundreds of years until death. They did not waste their time testing the waters or trying to match with someone else. And off course, Adam didn’t have other choices…!! And we too do not have. By the way, we must not forget that one may date multiple people simultaneously!! But can’t marry all but one!!
The innocent ones are deceived: – Dating often starts with the understanding that he/she MAY not date another one while this is on… One person will be attracted to something in his/her partner. That is how they start dating. This does not guarantee that he/she will not look for someone better later on. Desires and expectations are unlimited and Commitment is not the same for everyone. Thus, in dating, there are chances for innocent ones to be deceived. We often find the food served at the neighbour’s table in a restaurant is better than what we got!!. The genuine lover often gets deceived as per the history.
Immaturity spoils Relationships: – when two mature people date, they would handle the relationship wisely. Almost none would object to their dating.
But at times youngsters can become immature and lack discernment of right and wrong. This results in bad blood between those two.
Casual dating is an act against God’s purpose of family life: – God knows what’s best for his children and will give them what is best. Dating itself need not be a sin if the individuals do not compromise on Biblical principles of premarital life. But when they alter Biblical principles, dating can cause Moral laxity. When God created man, it was God’s plan for Adam to get him a partner. Adam did not waste his time looking for Eve but it was God who knew what he needed and provided him a partner, a perfect partner. Adam and Eve suited each other perfectly. They were compatible. This is the Biblical principle. This applies to everyone who believes in the biblical principles. We don’t need to help God by testing so many friends to find out which among them would be our prospective partner.
Well, what about a casual love affair with no commitments…? Again, it is undervaluing the true emotions God has blessed us with. Love is substituted with infatuation and relationship is substituted with romance. When the creator’s purpose behind creation is purposefully denied, it indicates the doom and disaster of the society. Morality and Biblical Principles are violated in such affairs. Thus, a Big No to casual romantic dating. Dating with infatuation is an act against God’s original plan of finding a partner for each of us.
No accountability is doom: – Some people date intending to marry the person. But this has to be under the supervision of parents or some close friends (who are wise and mature) holding them accountable. Even then it is preferable, once studies are over, start earning an income, and attaining the maturity and ability to look after a family. When dating couples are accountable to no one, it brings disaster to their relationship. They can’t survive on love and fresh air for long!!
Unsuccessful Dating invites serious consequences: – In many cases, one person’s genuineness is not reciprocated by the partner. Breakups are common in dating and love affairs. When it happens, the genuine person feels cheated. It hurts him/her very much and they even go to the extent of hating life. Many suffer losses and become victims of stress and anxiety. Some may even go to the extent of suicidal attempts. And few choose to live a miserable life due to the societal concern.
Ignoring the love and care of parents to date a new person can also bring a gap in a familial relationship. Thus, since there are high chances of negative impacts, is it not better to say NO to dating? Remember…… your heart is yours… you decide to make it or break it!!
Dating doesn’t guarantee the best partner: When in love, most people portray their best side. When they are faced with the realities of the weaknesses and drawbacks of the partner, they may part ways. Getting too much exposure to the traits and habits of the prospective partner can hamper your desire to make a lifelong commitment to him/her. After roaming around with your partner, you might want to settle with him/her because of the psychological pressures, even if you don’t desire him/her. This forces you to move away from God’s best for you. Hence, dating gives no guarantees to find the best partner
In most instances, boys lose their money and girls lose their virginity in the name of dating. So… Why don’t we say NO to it?
BENEFITS OF NOT DATING
- Higher chances of getting a better partner as the decision-making process is shared by close family and friends.
- Higher chances of survival of the marriage as partners don’t take each other for granted.
- Higher possibility of keeping the character integrity and upholding the values of the society.
- Opportunity to trust in God’s desire to give us the best partner.
THE QUESTION NEED AN ANSWER- Are all arranged marriages successful?
The answer is NO. just because a marriage is arranged doesn’t guarantee perfection unless the creator of marriage is given space in family. Biblical marriage is not between a man and a woman. A Biblical marriage is between man, woman and God, the inventor of marriage. Biblical marriage is a triangular relationship. There are chances for breakup only if male and female are joined together. But it will not be broken if both are connected to the GOD of marriage. where there are unsuccessful marriages and family life, it’s pretty sure that God has no space in their life. Biblical values are altered there. Selfish desires and materialism are substituted the priority to God and Bible.
The solution is to come back to the Bible and God. Our churches must have family-oriented sermons. Biblical values must be projected by church leaders. Casual life must be voluntarily denied. Self-denial is the key to Biblical discipleship. Our children should grow up spiritually not worldly. The principles of discipleship may be taught from the very young age onwards that they will grow mature having personal connection with God. faith must be personalized not superficial. God of the Bible is God of peace. Let’s be godly and Biblical to keep peace in individual and family life.
CONCLUSION
The ideal family is the family God created in the garden of Eden. ‘One man, one woman’. But as society and civilizations started advancing, polygamy (multiple partners) was gradually incorporated. History witnesses that Godless civilizations always faced their doom with the damages of families and societies. (Noah’s time, Lot’s story, time of Judges etc) A Biblical Christian cannot go with the tide, compromising Biblical Truths. Let the world turn upside down but a true believer in Jesus Christ will stand for the values of Bible.
Dear Freind, We are responsible for our choices. Today’s decisions will determine our destiny. We all will bear the consequences of our decisions. Therefore, let us value the invaluable life God has gifted us. Life is only once. Let us make it worthwhile. We need to think long-term when we think of marriage. Let us make mature and wise decisions about our lives. Let us avoid the temptation to date. Let’s influence our new generation to live a peaceful and Godly life. May our decisions and life be pleasing to our Creator and let our lives be role models for the up coming generation…
The author is Bible teacher and Family marriage Counsellor. If anyone needs a personal talk, prayer or time of emotional assistance may contact- Ph:- 8260804149- (JOBY THOMAS)